Silicon Valley Is A Breeding Ground For Demons!

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Silicon Valley Is A Breeding Group For Demons

Silicon Valley Is A Breeding Group For Demons – image courtesy Stiller Beobachter

According to two of America’s most active priests that specialise in Exorcism — or ridding people of the various Demons which inhabit them — Silicon Valley is number one in terms of average demonic possessions per capita!

Fathers Vincent Lampert and Gary Thomas claim that in the last year alone, they’ve had to perform almost 50 exorcisms — up from only 12 around 10 years ago.

As a result, they’re struggling to keep up with the demand for their services.

“I am a full-time pastor and this is a very intense ministry. Almost every free night that I have is taken up with exorcisms,” Father Thomas says. “I could conduct one or two exorcisms a week for demonic attachment (as opposed to full possession).”

So what’s causing all these people to become possessed by the Devil?

They reckon it’s a combination of:

Apart from attempting to summon spirits with a Ouija board, it seems to me like the main problem is modern society as a whole and has nothing to do with Demonic possession!

The priests beg to differ and state quite firmly that “evil is a reality”.

Although once upon a time, the priests name were never revealed in order to stop people requesting an exorcism when they were quite simply drug fucked or wanking too much, these days a simple Google search such as “I need an exorcism” gives hundreds of results such as Exorcismus.org which has a complete guide on how to tell if you’re possessed and how to find a Priest who’ll exorcise your demons for you!

The two Fathers warn however that there are many fake exorcists out there and you should stick to reputable religious folk like themselves rather than trusting just anyone you can find on the internet.

They also state quite firmly that in order to qualify for their services you must be a practising Christian or they could do more harm than good — which probably rules out most of the people in Silicon Valley.

So how do you tell if someone’s possessed — apart from the obvious signs such as their head spinning around 360 degrees and an upside down cross on their mantlepiece?

Apparently, once someone who’s possessed goes into a sacred place such as a Church, they’ll begin to vomit or show other signs that something’s badly up with them.

At that stage, the Demon-busting duo will take charge and attempt to remove the devil by reciting a whole bunch of phrases in Latin — which the demon’s hate for some reason. Although they claim not to be racist, apparently Portugese, Italian and Spanish also drive them nuts!

Once they start the rituals, they can uncover all sorts of problems such as the person being afflicted by a “tribe of demons” rather than just one or the souls of dead people trying to take over their body.

It takes at least 6 months of monthly exorcisms to finally rid someone of their inner demons.

After this time, they’ll be fine to take drugs and watch pornography again without the risk of demons attempting to take them off to Hell!

 

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